And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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