I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
