I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
