tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
