Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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