I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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