next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
