I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
