why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
