I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.