I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.