Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just had sex on a roof
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party