YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
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Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.