I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
honey bunches of taint.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
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btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid