And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
