Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it's like iHOP with fire
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
