But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
this boner is exhausting
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I need water and some morals
Randomize
