I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I fill condoms, not promises.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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