how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
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mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
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I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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