Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
