i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
