I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Success! We fucked roommates!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
