If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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