Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
