If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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