Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
