You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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