sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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