turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
