So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
