I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
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stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
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I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize