Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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