apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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