is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize