Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
