This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
