im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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