There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
