I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i think i just lost a toe
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
