You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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