areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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