I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
