hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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