Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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