Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
