i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
