Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
