I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
