there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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