Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My cat gives me a boner
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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