we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
