I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
