i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
