I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
