I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
