Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
