apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
