Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
