Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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