there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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