i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
