I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
