You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
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I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
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You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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