okay pat passed out under dana's car
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
