i think my tv is drunk
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
