If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
