I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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