There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
