Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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