If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
