Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
