you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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