she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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