Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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