whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
