we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
