Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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