i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
