Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
