I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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