I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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