I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
