He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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