I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
