if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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